I absolutely hate blaming bad moods and other things on the fact that it’s Monday. It’s a phrase that is synonymous with a pass for acting badly or doing nothing, not just for my students, but for everyone! Why does Monday get such a bad rap?

I had my own case of The Mondays today because of some school (that I learn at) technicalities. I also got home really late last night because of the Alicia Keys concert (ooOOooO she totally is my new girl fan crush!). Lots of factors contribute to my good moods, but sadly lots of factors contribute to my bad moods. Monday is always hard for me because I try to venture out of my schedule on the weekends. In addition to that, as much as I hate blaming bad moods on Monday, I do the same thing.

Poor Monday.

I don’t want to be that teacher that takes their moods out on their students. I don’t feel particularly moody on a daily basis, but I think it all depends on how I feel personally when I wake up in the morning. If I feel well rested, it’s obvious to my students by the time they get in the door. Fourth period is very susceptible to my moods, especially one of my students in particular. Because I’m exhausted and have been up for at least 6 hours already by the time they walk in, she’s always acknowledges my good moods or my bad ones. I know they hate the bad ones.

My sophomores sadly get the worst of my moods. I think its because I forget that they’re barely teenagers. I really do forget that they are not adults and they are children. I forget about maturity levels, and the fact that seriously, they are just kids. I forget all those things even though I should remember theme. I forget that, and I remind them, just so they know not to push. That’s the whole thing about teenagers, they push until they’ve reached the point and then they push back. I wish maturity levels would be higher, but I think that is a whole other post all together.

Oh Monday, I most of heard, “It’s Monday,” like 20+ times today. Poor Monday, it’s such a good day for me once my workday is over. I watch all my Sunday/Monday television and usually I sleep well on Monday nights. One day, Monday won’t be an issue. Mondays remind me of patience, kindness and love. Why most of my students like me and why I enjoy what I do (for the most part) on a daily basis… even if I’m not feeling up for it.

Because they find all this cool stuff about my favorite pop stars.

via BFF David =D

but now, that’s all over.

I had a good break from my paper this last month. My cohort turned in their papers right before Spring Break (which was why Maui was gonna be so wowie) and I was going to recoup for a little bit before starting to worry about my paper again.

Hope I recouped, because now it’s time to worry.

I’m not worried I’m just trying to be mindful of the time, my energy levels and how to make sure I execute the research and methods correctly (this is all paper jargon). I know what I need to do, I just have to be on top of organizing the data (which I coincidently did today before my professor reminded us to do so). It’s a lot of “extra” work and I already know that I’m taking two days off when my paper is due on the 28th of this month, but still. I was having so much fun kicking back this month. I was even able to go home before 4PM! Now, I doubt that’s going to happen anymore.

Oh well, one more month.

So far, everything has been okay as far as work has been concerned. We’ve been testing these last two weeks so my students have been exhausted and well, even the good kids have been annoying me =D I’ve also had to teach my last class after lunch instead of before lunch so I think my annoyance for life has increased even more. It’s not that I can’t do after lunch, I just can’t do after lunch and zero period at the same time. It’s truly horrible.

It’s funny that I’m worried about free time in May, when I have almost two and a half months of doing nothing coming up. Financially, I was a little worried about how I’m going to last the summer, but my saving skills are going to be put to the test, and I’m hoping the summer won’t be so bad. If it is and I’m hating life I can always temp like I did last summer, but seriously, I’m going to try and avoid that at all cost (yay economic stimulus plan! hehe…) I should be okay. At least, I hope so. I need all the time I can get to “perfect” my plans for next year, and recover from this year.

One more month, and I’m free!!! *sigh* Until then…

The ex-boyfriend makes me feel woozy. Like I don’t have control over the situation. I had managed fine with limited to no contact with him since I got back and since we decided to seriously call it quits. I’m trying to use good judgement and self-worth and all that women empowering crap to get through the tough spots, but it’s hard. We’re like breaking up… for real this time. This isn’t like it was in December. No crying at the airport and no sadness when he’s not around, it just makes me feel… woozy. I have no other explanation for it.

His birthday is tomorrow. The only reason why I called is because of this fact. I thought his birthday was today, so when I called I tried to be cool and nonchalant. I tried really hard not to do the things I normally do (hang on his every word, be his #1 fan, etc… etc) and I was successful. I had to stick to my guns, just because this is it. No take backs for real this time. I can’t keep pretending to love our set up and the way we are when we’re together because I don’t love our set up and we’re not even that great together.

He was annoying me with his stories, so I decided to cut the conversation short. It surprised him because I had not spoken to him since I left and usually during my time away, he feels we have much to catch up on. I kept trying to go, and he got into more conversation points. I sensed it made him feel weird because my attention and my focus wasn’t on conversing with each other, it was on delivering my message and being on my merry way. That was that.

It’s incredibly hard to close up and put up road blocks between the two of us, but I’m managing. I think this is the first time I truly believe that I deserve better than what he can give me. Three years have past and I’ve realized just how damaging this relationship has been to what I want to accomplish. He was an excuse, a crutch and a way to avoid what’s really scaring me about meeting new people and relationships. I want to be able to conquer the loneliness. I want to be happy loving myself more than someone else. I want all that women empowering stuff Mary J. Blige talks about in her songs =D but what I really want is someone I can have a future with. I want someone to be my ride or die… not vice versa.

One day he will grow up. I’ve said this way too many times verbally and on this blog. One day he’ll be the man I want him to be, but for now… I need to be the woman I want myself to be. I can’t keep holding on… it’s so hard to let go, but as scary as it is… this drama is so unnecessary.

I was talking to Mei and telling her about the first time exb0o and I started talking again. He was being braggadocios and a little cocky about himself and I just listened on wonder what had happen to him in the past four years we did not talk. After the first initial call, I had decided to call maybe two or three more times just to see if the first time was a fluke, but after the those calls, I remember looking at my phone thinking, “What is his deal?” and decided never to call again. I did not talk to him again until 8 months later. Mei says that we always know, but we just don’t have enough faith to believe in that gut feeling.

He’s a different person than he was before, but I always knew he wasn’t it for me. There are many times over the last three years that I’ve almost been convinced that he was it, but just didn’t want those feelings to take over me. I’m not saying I regret anything, because I don’t. I think if anything I’m just more mad at myself for letting this consume me for as long as I did.

The stupid things we do when we love someone I guess. You live and you learn… and more importantly you completely and fully let go so the woozyness won’t take over you anymore.

Springtime usually brings desires in every woman to be a smaller size. Just so they can fit into certain dresses or swimsuits or other skimpy looking clothing so they can look hawt for the summer. Seriously… I’ve dieted for two different major reasons in the last two-three years that make me feel like, I don’t know… I’m all dieted out.

This time, it’s personal.

The last time I took fitness seriously, it wasn’t a diet. Last summer, I wasn’t working and I wanted to be more healthy. Loosing weight wasn’t the case. I miss this period during the summer because I got the physical results I wanted without thinking about dieting. Although I wasn’t losing weight I felt good and I was healthiest I’ve been in a very long time.

When work started it was all downhill. I just couldn’t find the time to workout the way I wanted. I wasn’t gaining weight, I could just feel the inactivity in me. Then, when my paper writing started I was stress eating to the point where I gained weight that I had lost over the summer. I felt it and I broke down… All I could think is, “I don’t want to be the fat one anymore.”

That’s why this time it’s personal.

It’s such a vain desire, but I guess it’s health related (even though I feel healthier and more in shape than some of my skinny friends) I just don’t want to be the fat one anymore. I’ve been dubbed this for so long that it just doesn’t feel good anymore. I can’t help but think that I’m passed over by people because I’m fat.

The sad thing about it is that this is my personal hang up that I only see. I know my self perception is way off from what really is there. I can’t change this because in the last couple years (especially with friends settling down and getting married) I can’t help but feel that I need to do something to improve my confidence levels. Although friends may see me and think, “you? shy? insecure?” seriously it’s true… I am. BIG TIME.

The only way I feel that I can change this is if I do something about what I’m insecure about. So that’s why this time around, it’s personal. Yes, it’s for the health benefits and it’s for other things, but dammit… it’s because don’t want to be the fat one anymore! Yes, beauty is within, but the reality of it all is that you like someone… mind, BODY and soul.

Although this is complaining is sounding like I’m defeated already, I’m actually doing pretty good. 5 pounds down and really incorporating fitness and good eating into my busy teaching schedule. The hardest part about it is eating out with friends (or NOT eating out with friends. I’ve managed to avoid that for the last two weeks, but couldn’t avoid the weekend). I know it won’t happen over night, but I do hope that with patience, hard work and a little forgiveness to myself for eating Indian food or skipping a workout I won’t be discouraged and I’ll reach my goals.

For now, it’s just counting calories, running bball baseline drills in my driveway (seriously… I’ve been doing this!), gym machines that burn more than 400 calories a session and imagining myself many sizes smaller. I might try to document my efforts away from here because seriously, even I don’t wanna read about this inbetween my REAL entries =D

diet.super-fresh.net? lol we’ll see.

I really wanted to spend these last 40 minutes reading A New Earth. I know what you’re thinking… it’s Oprah and it’s fluff, but seriously I’m curious because a lot of unexpected readers (a certain female BFF of mine!) has urged me to read it so we can compare notes. Of course, I gladly obliged just because Oprah’s pretty good at picking books.

Seriously… I believe that!

Instead after checking something on the Internet for Moms I ended up following my Internet ADD all over the World Wide Web. I swear… how would time be if I could just get in and get out instead of following my Internet ADD all over the place. I know that I’m not that bad, but jeez, it’s almost my “happy” bedtime.

My “happy” bedtime is between the minutes of 9PM-9:30PM. Anytime I sleep between these hours I’m ensured an easy wake-up and a happy day. Because I wake up at such an ungodly hour, the assurance that I’ll get eight hours of sleep is between this “happy” bedtime. I know, it’s like the bedtime of a 10 year old, but still… you try to wrangle teenagers five hours straight from 7AM to 12PM and you tell me what makes you happy =P

I rest my case!

It’s been a sucky week even though it barely started. I’m hoping tomorrow (a short day) will boost my spirits a bit. The kids have been dead and all out of wack since we’ve gotten back from Spring Break and I’m trying to shove all this information down their throat before state testing starts next week. I’m anxious because I know that I did not adequately prepare them for the test (I’m about three chapters behind from the information they should know).

Third period today, some of my students decided to tell me how to do my job. Not in a disrespectful way, but in a lazy, “Maybe she’ll change her teaching so I can catch a break.” Kind of way. I’ve fought all year to not get caught up living in the shadow of their previous history teacher who just seems to win them over with his teaching style. I know that I’m actually teaching them a skill (note taking/lectures… they hate it, but it’s only because they never got it when they were younger). My theory is, if you’re a junior and you don’t know how to take lecture notes by now, you’re in serious trouble once college comes around.

If you end up going there that is =P

So here I am teaching them how to take notes (something I wish I didn’t have to teach them… maybe to my sophomores this is an important skill, but juniors should know by now!). When I was in school I remember my beloved World History teacher just started talking and you were expected to catch up. Period the end. None of this babying crap that I’m doing with my students. He talked, we wrote, bell rang. That’s it! Even if it was honors when I was a sophomore, when he taught me this technique as a freshman it was hard to pick up, but I got it… AS A FRESHMAN!

I didn’t back down though. I’ve learned to let these comments just pass and continue on. I usually add in a witty remark that shows that whoever said that comment is lazy and I’m right. I used to care about how they were learning and what they wanted to get from their education, but I quickly realized that the most lazy are the most vocal (especially in my class for some reason). They love to play, “Let’s make a deal.” That’s when they try to weasel their way out of something just to make it easier for them. They never win. It’s my class. I haven’t forgotten that and they should not have forgotten that fact either.

IT BOTHERS ME ENOUGH TO SIT HERE AND TYPE IN ALL CAPS about the laziness of American teenagers these days. It’s like they expect to be treated like Kings and Queens for nothing. I’m bothered by the fact that they have no hard work ethic anymore. Everything has to be easy! I have to cheat my way to my grade because I was up all night myspace-ing and didn’t get to study. I know it’s not all of my students (I’m thinking about 10 in particular) haha… but those students who feel like they deserve a break for just being there… ANNOYS ME.

So why teach then? Haha… sadly I have accepted the fact that this is only going to get worse as I get older and deeper into the profession. My patience for it will get less and less for it, I know. I’ve been thinking about a game plan for next year (wherever I may be) and I realized that I’m not going to be as nice as I was this year. I think when second semester hit, my students realized that I’m not always laid back and easy going. Each period has seen me yell and one person saw me fume so bad that I had to take a breather for a second outside my room.

All in all, it’s one versus 180. How do you find sanity? In A New Earth, he talks about letting go of feelings and everything (I don’t really know the whole theory behind the letting go part, but I kind of get the beginning). I could, hold on to these feelings of frustration towards my lazy students and have a miserable next two months or I could not give a fuck. One or the other…

I chose the later.

This week, I told my students that I was not going to care about their grades anymore. That they’re adults and that my encouragement is worthless if you’re not going to reciprocate. I structure my class on effort, not on test so my homework load is a bit on the heavier side, but seriously… my class is so easy to pass, the kids who get it are 100+%, yet I still have students who are failing.

What is the deal?!

So in frustration, here is my letter to the Youth of America.. *ahem*

Dear Youth of America,

Hello! My name is Nicole and I am a high school teacher. I have to tell you something. You guys suck! You and your iPods and your skinny jeans/baggy jeans and your emo-ness / bad attitudes suck! Get over yourselves and start doing your jobs. Make your parents proud and actually start trying in school! Don’t be a lazy slacker, be a do-er! Prove to bitter adults like me that you guys actually care about your lives and your futures. Your parents gave you all that crap you have for a reason! Not because you’re cute or you’re their kid, but because they thought they could motivate you to do well in the form of 100 dollar or more merchandise. Your main job is to be a student and do well in high school. I’m not talking straight As. I’m not talking AP/Honors, I’m just saying try… care that you do decently. Don’t fist pump the fact that you’re getting a D in my or anyone else’s class. And seriously? Do you think we care that you’re bored? WE DON’T! Life is boring… get over it!

Sincerely,
Nicole a disgruntled high school teacher

Although I’m trying to “let go” I realize that being so pumped up about it enough to write a stupid letter to the lost abyss of cyberspace shows that I care even more than I should. I am a teacher, because I care and I love my job. I realize that the A-HA moment will come soon enough for some of these kids (whether I’m there to see it or not). I know that they act this way because they’re high schoolers, but seriously… I just wish they got their act together now rather than later. The future and possibilities could be so bright if they actually cared about stuff now, but since they don’t….

I told you the Internet was a drug. Mike, seriously dude… we have to make our YouTube movies now! =)

In other news…

Thursday the 3rd (the day that ATA announced their bankruptcy) I was all ready to go and ready to hop into the Hawaii ocean the minute I got off the plane. I was running late so I was hoping that I could get through security check quick enough when all of a sudden I saw all the postings that my trip wasn’t happening (on ATA anyway).

Franticness made me see where else I could take the flight, but the prices were crazy ridiculous. Taking into consideration my ticket would be refunded, I thought taking a trip wouldn’t be that much. I knew the disappointment was fueling me more than the logical part of it, so after two hours at the airport I decided to head home on the shuttle.

In my disappointment I texted my two favorite boys in NorCal (the exb0o and Kuya). When I got home, I tried to do what I could have with all the information I had, but the trip to Maui was looking pretty dim. After an hour of being home, I got a call from exb0o who consoled me about not being able to go on the trip. This was totally Karma because I called him the night before to tell him I was leaving. He laughed and said, “Why don’t you come up here for the weekend, we’ll go to Yosemite… I need to get away anyway.”

A couple hours later I booked the flight, packed for NorCal coldness and I was back at the airport. Oh, and yeah my NorCal flight got delayed too! It definitely wasn’t a day to be on a plane for me. With all the craziness and stress I couldn’t wait to get off the plane in Oakland. Even though exb0o was late picking me up (he drove from Sacramento! and was like 20 minutes late) I was happy to be away from LA.

The reason why I was so animate about leaving was because I just needed to recharge and not think about work and school. I told my mom that when she took me to the flyaway at the train station to go back to the airport. She was really understanding about all the stress I had been under and was cool with me making a quick decision to go on another trip. As crazy as she can get sometimes, her thoughtfulness through the whole ordeal made me realize how much she loves me. (awwww!)

We drove back to Sacramento from Oakland and took a detour through some old stomping grounds and went to J-Town for dinner. (he used to live in The Filmore a couple blocks away so we used to eat and hang out here a lot). No trip to visit him is complete without Korean Food =) By the time we got to J-Town the sun was setting and near the Peace Plaza I could see the Cherry Blossoms! It was so pretty! I should have gotten shots when it was still daylight, but I just took them on the way out.

This was in the plaza across from the Peace Plaza.

After dinner we headed to Sacramento (where he lives now) and spent Friday roaming around Sacramento and lougin’ just watching movies and running errands. Like promised, exb0o took me to Squeeze Inn the show on Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. All I can say is best. burger. ever.

hmmmm… cheese skirt!

Saturday, we headed to Yosemite =)

It’s crazy how eclectic California is. In a few hours we went from uber metropolitan, to cow town USA and back again, and around to a place you think would be in Kansas. We drove to Yosemite (4 hours from Sac-town) through Merced. From NorCal you can do it from Modesto, but the guides said that Merced was a better scenic drive.

Before the scenic part of Yosemite.

I don’t consider myself to be a green/outdoorsy person, but I really did enjoy Yosemite. It was awesome. We didn’t have the right shoes for the trip, but we did manage to walk about 10 miles in Chucks (both of us) The sites were spectacular and the zoning out was awesome. We found ourselves just stopping on rocks to just sit and take in the scenery. We didn’t even talk a whole lot during the hikes and stuff (since we spent the whole car ride over with radio and one Erykah Badu CD hehe…) but for the most part… it was great.

Flickr Album!

Yosemite Falls

Half Dome and Mirror Lake

Me and You-Know-Who (sorta hehe…)

We stayed out there because we were exhausted for the rest of the night to drive back home. The place we stayed at HAD NO CELL RECEPTION! I felt so paralyzed. I can’t believe that the place we stayed at had no reception, but all of Yosemite Valley has perfect reception. Weird.

Sunday we had breakfast in Mariposa (30 miles out from Yosemite Valley) and headed back through Merced to Tracy to go say hi to exb0o’s best friend and his parents. Best friend in Reno and the stop at his parents was really quick. Before my flight I ran errands and hung out with Kuya Phillip in Fremont. I was VERY HAPPY to not step foot on Bart the whole weekend hehe… =)

A few hours later… I was home.

It wasn’t the break I wanted, but I did get a break from my life. Being up there always makes me feel like my life is miles and miles away. I really wanted that from my Maui trip, but got it in an old favorite I guess. It was hard adjusting back home (for all the obvious reasons) somewhere, but for the most part I’m happy to be home and finally got in the swing of things today.

=================

I decided to delete my “venting” post about exb0o, because seriously… it’s time to let go. No more complaints… no more holding on… no more.

Before heading to Maui, I had to go to work to get some things ready before I left. In my mailbox was the newsletter from the union talking about certain issues for the month. One of the tidbits on the newsletter this month was about Internet usage.

Supposidly a teacher at a local private school got in trouble for improper internet usage. In the newsletter the advised “safe internet usage now that you’re a teacher.” They covered all the basis when it came to being a teacher and hiding on the Internet. Make sure you are super careful, don’t talk about things via the internet that you wouldn’t talk about in class. Review MySpace and Blogs (I thought it was interesting because they mentioned Second Life which is something I’d NEVER do or mention to my students if I did do it). I thought about my “Internet” life and thought, “I think I’m okay.”

Until they said perhaps you should think further about taking down MySpace, Facebook, Blogs since you’re a credentialed teacher now.

Then I thought, is my Internet life over?

I mean my blog is harmless (or is it?) they can’t fire me for being a venting teacher and an emotional sap (or can they?) I’ve never said anything negative about the school (maybe the attitude of fellow teachers, but never anything pointed at my school directly), but my blogs are mostly about the apathy of the students. As for MySpace and Facebook my TA is the only one who has ever found me. The rest have asked and searched and nothing could be found on their end. I would never let them into my MySpace or Facebook life. Even if they did see those things, all they would see is my tattoo (is that in my morality clause?) and my fluff friend Mort. Maybe both aren’t as classroom friendly as they could be, but I would never classify it scandalous (or would someone else classify it scandalous?). Who knows!

I think I’m covering my basis, but just in case on a bi or tri monthly basis I usually google my name to make sure that everything is okay. I know that it’s always the dumb ones who ruin it for everyone else, but seriously does my profession have the right to take over my personal life? I don’t think it does, yet with all the time we spend with these students I could see how it could have the right to do that.

I’m the paranoid one, yet some teachers don’t seem to care. One teacher on campus has a very risky looking woman as his desktop for his computer and no one has said anything to him. On the news the most ridiculous stories happen to teachers and you can’t help but think WTF?! I guess it’s the weird ones right that ruin it for everyone? The ones that aren’t all right in the head (then again, I’m the one virtually feeding a pixelated character on a social networking site) so who’s the weird one now? =)

My blog on the other hand has been my save haven from reality for the last nine years. Although I hardly update the thought of taking it down or not being fully honest with it makes me sad. My blog has become my security blanket and even though it gets neglected, it’s always there for me when I need it. The thought of having to restrict this relationship I have with my blog bothers me. I know I’m not doing anything wrong, but I guess “your image” is something I didn’t take into account when I got into this job. It’s unfair, but it’s understandable.

I guess no scandalous stories from Maui are getting posted next week =D (that was a joke btw… in case someone from the district is reading).

I haven’t quite recovered from this darn time change. My sleeping pattern is all out of wack. Yesterday I was too exhausted for words. I couldn’t even stay awake in the afternoon. I had a ton of work (both for the school I learn and teach at) to do, but opted to try and sleep through the afternoon and wake up some time during the night so I could get work done. Of course, something has to wake you up… so around 7PM after like four hours of sleep I just got up to do work.

I feel like I’ve been neglecting my classes because of my paper. I’ve been half assing a lot of instruction and disguising it as something brilliant. I’m sure they’re on to me because I’m on to myself. I didn’t feel on yesterday. The activity we were doing in class made me just think to myself, “Most of them don’t get it, and I’m confused as to how to make them get it.” It was a complicated topic (The Russian Revolution can do that to you I guess) and I just felt like I could have done a lot better. Since that debacle happened, I decided to take the time and really try and make these next two chapters work for my students. The U.S. History stuff comes so naturally to me, but the World History is a struggle.

I spent two hours dissecting this video on Fascism. I know… you’re jealous =) Instead of going the lazy route, I decided to make follow along video notes to help them point out what they should be paying attention to. We’ll probably watch this 18 minute video for the next three days and there will be a lot of pause and rewind, but I think it will be the best way to get the message across. I struggle… but sometimes the light bulb goes off. In addition to that, I decided to use the book as a resource instead of main text (I know this is heavy on the teacher jargon, but I’m venting) and I think it’s going to work a lot better.

It was a lot of work I have to say. There was the follow along video notes, then actually watching the video and paying attention to it. I also had to make a powerpoint with all the answers so that they can check with what I want them to know. I’m like lecturing without really lecturing (which they asked for in the student surveys for my research paper). Again, we’ll have to see how it goes… but I’m making progress. At least I hope I am.

Work took a while to do last night because I was distracted by vacation planning. I’m not sure what type of remedy it may be, but as a spring break you’re almost there treat I’ve decided to go to paradise.

Four days and three nights in Maui during spring break with The Mo-sters.

Do I deserve it? Well, for the most part… it’s been a stressful month and it will be equally stressful during the rest of the year. I made it out of this 75% of the way with all my hair and maybe 80% of my sanity, so I’m going to say yes. I probably don’t need a treat like this, but I’ve been dying for a break from school I work and learn at so it’ll be nice to get away. Plus, I’ll be here for the beginning of break to get work done before I leave. All signs point to good job!

I never think I’m doing a great job, but I know that my students appreciate the little things I do for them that don’t involve the curriculum at all. From gossip sessions to note book paper with my last name tagged on it… I know I’m appreciated (by most of them) the next two weeks I just have to show that appreciation back and put in work to be a really great teacher for them.

Next two weeks… work and academia… I OWN YOU! =P

I haven’t had a good day like this in a while.

I had my review today and it went really well. I did add in a lot of activities so it was jam packed with educational goodness… so much that I had to cut some of my activities and do them tomorrow. That part I wasn’t really looking forward to, but for the most part I’m pleased with the results.

During lunch with J (my co-worker buddy) we walked through the quad and got caught by a couple of our AP’s (assistant principals) The AP that did my review earlier that day said, “Watch out for this dangerous duo coming by.” J and I stopped in our tracks and looked at each other and gave the, “Who us?” look. It was funny. I had to eat my lunch standing up because we were talking to them for so long. It was good to chat up the administration, I realize it is hard for them because they do get a lot of crap from other teachers, but seriously they’re just trying to do their job. I can’t really hate on that (even though others love to any chance they get to do so). I’m pretty neutral about the whole thing. I guess it’s because I’m used to being supervised and micromanaged by adults, which some teachers are totally not used to.

I met with the AP who did my review after lunch and we just talked about everything. She said that she was very happy with me and that everything was going well. She tried to ease my worries about getting laid off which I really do appreciate. She told me that her and the principal are very happy with the job I’m doing and really looked for that “staying” quality in the new batch of teachers coming this year. She told me she couldn’t promise anything (because she can’t control what the district does) but for the most part I shouldn’t worry so much. I’m glad she eased my fears because part of my worries from yesterday came from the March 15th letters being sent out to us.

I also shared some ideas with her about the sophomores (same stuff I mentioned to my principal). She really liked the idea and agreed that something had to be done. I also expressed my interest in teaching something non-history related next semester and she liked that idea too and would see how that worked out.

As far as my students were concerned today everything went really well. I even missed my sophomores a little bit =) Aside from my first period which definitely needs a lot of work everyone was cool, calm and collective. Very mellow which I love. I even tired to do yoga with my 4th period. That was pretty funny.

Stress I guess comes in waves and although it’s going to be a sucky weekend (rough draft of my review of literature is due Wednesday!) I think today was a good end to a stressful week. I freaked out a little bit, but just breathed through it and tried to stay focused at the task at hand.

Let’s just hope I didn’t speak too soon.