[because he never broke my heart...] I'm constantly reminded of how much time has passed in my 22 years of life. Whether it be my sister's brother (haha I know it sounds weird) being a sophomore in college, or my exboyfriend taking his emceeing to the next level, I'm always reminded of how much time passes by. Although time always passes by, feeling don't have to change. I'm am also reminded of that by my simple interactions with people on a daily basis. I'm trying really hard not to talk about what I really want you see, but fuck it... So I called exb0o finally, and it was weird. Both of us driving to our prospective locations, we chitchatted about anything and everything. When I called I didn't get a "hello" I got a "hey" And while we talked, I got a "how are you doing" and a "is that it? anything else?" which led me to believe he wanted to ask the "boyfriend" question, but didn't really get around to it. All too easy, I know that game, I play that game too, but I never asked him, I just assume that he isn't taken. Knowing him, he'd flaunt it in my face that he had a GF. (not flaunt, but it'd be the first thing he acknowledges) I'm trying hard to not look at this any further. I mean, while driving to Tammy's with Tran she asked me "what are you looking for from him?" I thought about that on the way home. What exactly am I looking for from this whole thing? Am I looking for a rekindled relationship? Am I looking for a relationship period? Am I looking for an up north booty call? LOL All I know is that I want to get lost in this feeling. I want to get lost in this feeling. It's been a long time since I have been fully and uncontrollably lost in this feeling. Being in this situation now makes me realize how awfully defensive I've become when it comes to love. I overestimate each mood. Perhaps, my exboyfriend is out to get me in some way? LOL no but in all honesty, my gut is telling me to go for it. What the hey, see what happens, and if not then all good either way. The other part of me (my heart) wants to remember him for all that he WAS to me, and not what he can be to me. My past loves him, my present loves him (because of my past) but I don't believe there will be room for him in my future. I refuse to be optimistic about this... seriously My brain would like to knock the sense into both of the above, and just go one with my life the way it was a week ago before all this madness began. 5 years have passed, I'm a different person. I have new goals and a different path taken. I don't want to live in regret or wonder, but at the same time I don't wanna wish on all my shooting stars that something will happen between us. Who knows, he could be my new best friend, or my worst enemy. Even though 5 years have passed, I feel like I care about him as much as I did when I was 17. This was the perfect Christmas present to myself. I'm really glad we got back in touch. Hopefully, I can control the situation and not get lost, but even if I do... it's okay. He never really broke my heart anyway...