[Year in Review] First off, HAPPY NEW YEAR READERS! I've actually been thinking about this post for the past couple of days. Every year, I sit here in my room to think about everything that has happened this year, and every year it seems to get harder. This has by far been the craziest year ever... here goes nothing. 2004 in a nutshell I left/graduated college Graduating from school has to be one of the biggest accomplishments that I've ever experienced. I feel like one stage of my life is conquered, and I'm on to the next land, like a Super Mario Brothers 3 game. Even though I'm proud to have graduated, I feel like it's not really a big deal. That's what's expected right? You go to college and you graduate. Some of us sooner then others, but for the most part you do it and it's done with. Then comes the next level. I entered the real world Working in a 9-5 (and a little more on the weekends) is definately something I did not picture myself doing (see next paragraph) I really did not expect to be at a job, because for the most part I thought I was going to be in school. The real world is very interesting, and yes I have to admit that I do enjoy having a pay check and my own cubical (sometimes) but I have to hand it to the triad I've matured tremendously because of my membership LOL. Seriously, nothing says jumpstarting maturity then having an important position at a notable non profit in the Los Angeles area. Damn I'm cool. LOL But seriously, I applied (with help from DAVID) and I got one of the first jobs I aplied for. And seriously, I really did not spend a lot of time looking for a job. I truly got lucky, and although for probably 75% of the time I do enjoy the real world, I know that this is just a pitstop... I won't be here for long. I was rejected A big part of the spring, dealt with my rejection from UCLA. When you're on top of your academic game, being rejected really doesn't feel good. In fact, it feels really awful. It takes a lot to admit to yourself that you didn't have what it took and what they wanted, and it was a whole new learning process for myself about rejection and well my own kind of acceptance. One of my mantras is "Things happen for a reason" and well, for this rejection came another type of acceptance that was very beneficial in my life. I was introduced to myself (all over again) You all hear me talk about it time and time again, but I am very glad and thankful for the three and a half months I spent with FilAm Arts. Not only did I gain a lot of community experience, but I met fabulous people who taught me a lot about life and myself. I find it funny how academia shelters you from reality sometimes, and how naive you can be about the world outside of your university. I learned a lot about myself, that I don't think any other experience would have taught me. It's hard to truly accept yourself faults and all, and I think that I learned that from them. Dealing with what you got and workin it to the fullest. When the rejection letter came, my self confidence (as lame as this sounds right now) was at an all time low. Doing things and being recognized for them during my internship raised my confidance level back to where it was pre rejection, and now, pre rejection time one more time... I believe (even though not so fully) that despite the out come this time around, I have what it takes to do what I want to do, even if it does not follow the path I want it to to begin with. I also learned that I have a lot to learn, and that sometimes... although things don't end up the way you wanted them to... it doesn't mean it won't end up eventually. I told "him" the truth Telling someone you like them is always hard. Telling someone who is an important person in your life that you like them, well that's even harder. I could probably sit here forever and type out why he is or is not fucked up for the whole situation in general, but that would probably take a whole year to explain. So I had feelings for a friend, and I finally said something, and when friend said let's just be friends (even though those weren't his exact words... and they never are his exact words) we ended up being that. BOTH TIMES I TOLD HIM! LOL In all honesty, it's not a big deal anymore, but it's hard sometimes. Sometimes I think I hold a mini grudge against him for all the time that has past, but I really don't. I love him wholeheartedly. I mean, to still be friends after the messy outcome of "the truth" well that's a big accomplishment. In my eyes, I see a true friendship... even after "the break up." I don't know what the future holds for me and him, but I do know that he's there. Who knows if one day he'll be "I'm so stupid, you've been it forever." or one day he'll be seeing me get married (but not to him). I don't know... this was a big chunk of the year, but it's nice to know it didn't hover into the new year. He's still special to me, and I know that I'm just as special to him. I suffered from growing pains My relationship with my mom seems to have gotten worse this year, I guess that comes with growing up. I guess she feels she's slowly loosing me, I never wanted her to feel that way. It's hard to deal with me now (post college) because even since high school I've been so independent (only child in me...) so adding on the fact that I'm financially independent, living here with her has been especially rough. I love her with all my heart, but I know that in the next couple of months, I have to motor on some plans to get out of this joint. *sigh* I'm an adult, and I know that for all that she does to me, I do for her in return. Maybe if I was a little farther away, we could appreciate each other a bit more. I do believe that you don't realize what you have until it's gone. I maintained homebase my friends kept me grounded this year... and part of me feels that my close friends and I got closer, especially the friends that have been around for more then ten years. Last year saw so many new faces circle around me, but 2004 was about home... and home was always with me and I know that 2005 will be the same case. Overall, I feel like the rollercoaster has ended. Graduation and the earlier part of the year was the last big drop in this rollercoaster ride, and August saw me stepping on to a different ride. I hate using graudation as a milestone, but it really is. I feel like my sorta adult life ended and my adult life has started. I'm excited for 2005. I don't know what to expect. All I know is that... it's going to be eventful, and big things will happen. at least I hope so anyway... New Year Resolutions next time =)