[Growth] If I could erase everyone of my mistakes, tell me would it make you wanna come over and work this out with me, I'll do whatever it takes, just meet me half way. All I want is for you to come over and work this out... work this out with me. --112, "My Mistakes" I really should hide The Jerk's email to me the one he sent me so long ago when I accused him of having a girlfriend while we were in our situation I never really read the letter all the way though. I mean really sit down and read the whole thing all the way through minus, the hurt and the assumptions. I did that yesterday. It was stupid, and I know I�ve written about this numerous amounts of times on this site, but for some reason yesterday� it made a lot of sense.

He told me how he felt about me. Although his anger in the letter made me miss that, he told me he liked me. I never caught onto that part until yesterday (and maybe I did but it made more sense yesterday then it did before). I let my anger and hurt take me somewhere else, at the same time I know I behaved badly to his reaction and I was stupid and young and� stupid. If that happened to me now, I would have walked away� no grudges� just an explanation, a good bye and just walk. Just because I know how it feels� now.

<>I know it�s pretty pointless to redeem myself now (not that I feel like anything is my fault or his fault). I know it�s pretty pointless to even talk about this now, but it�s crazy. I sympathize with him even more and more because what he was to �this girl� (who I thought was his girlfriend) is what I have with him now. Those situations, although yes a relationship� is nowhere close to a boyfriend or girlfriend. I feel him on that end more than ever. He wanted me to call� but I never did. He offered me an explanation, I never took it. I think what brings me back this situation with the jerk is the fact that he taught me well. I�ve treated every guy other then him the way the jerk did. He pushed me away for my own good because he knew his feelings were somewhere else. The way I did to a lot of people because my feelings were somewhere else. Two years later� I want to fix things, even though I probably don�t mean shit to him. Haha�for sure I don�t mean shit to him, but for the most part, I don�t see why we can�t be friends right? I don�t know I know a lot of you are thinking just leave it be, and don�t come back to it, I know� I know, but despite the times I cried and wanted so badly to wish the worst for him� what we had was nice. -------------------- Eh, anyway... we're in meetings all day. My massage spot that the masseuse was working on under my neck is sore today. I think it was really tight. She knew it was really tight and she was working hard to loosen it up. I'm in pain now. It's not supposed to hurt! lol Back to the meeting =)