//Tomorrow's the big day!// I'm nervous. I rarely get nervous, so I know how serious this is when I do. I haven't been practicing my teaching lesson as much as I could have, but I will crack the books on it today. Everything is set and I have all my materials. I have one recommendation letter in hand (with two on the way...) as long as I have one I'll be okay, but two would be best. I have transcripts and documents filled out and ready to go (at least I think I do) I will double check everything today (after) my drive. Outline my lesson plan (incase I freeze up) and get a good nights sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long day, but I'm ready. Nervous, but ready. Lately I've been dreaming about two things. Teach for America and meeting my LV luggage. One night I dreamt that I got into Teach for America but got Los Angeles. One night I dreamt I got TFA and but got Atlanta (and I was annoying playing out that Hotlanta phrase) Another night I thought I met my LV bag and he was awesome. Things were going fast, and I was scared. One minute we met... one minute we kissed... one minute he gets into a fight with some guys in this restaurant we're eating at and I get into a shouting match with the guy's girlfriend saying "Don't mess with my boyfriend like that!" In the dream... my LV bag acknowledged the fact that things were going fast... but he was just caught up as me. We were in love and it felt so real. It felt like nothing was going to change and I finally met the one. I finally woke up wishing I had my LV luggage in tow. Insecurities have been creeping in. It was easy when all my friends were on the "we don't need a man" bandwagon, but now I think I'm the only one. Am I bothered by this? I'm not. Too much going on to think about not having a boyfriend. At the same time... I think of everyone who passed me by the last two years. The ones who tried hard, but didn't get anywhere because of him our conversations about "us" and how we can't define our relationship. How I feel that quite possibly, being loyal to the unloyal this time around broke me down and made me forget what I really wanted in the first place. Is it just enough to have a wedge to roll with or am I ready to be taken care of and loved... in a love way... not a hommie way. My dreams have been taking me to places of loneliness. I don't believe in that word, but it's true. Seems like nowadays everyone around me is seeing someone, interested in someone, or one part of a whole. It's always been like this, but I guess as my cut off date approaches (by the time I'm 28 I think I'll start considering immigration marriages LOL) even though that's five years away I feel like I'm going to end up an old hag with a cat and no one to visit her on Christmas. My friends are shaking their heads right now. I know... I know. Rarity for me to talk like this, but hey I'm only human, give me one moment to flounder and wallow in self pity. ::moment over:: In other news... the wireless on my laptop is not working again I took my laptop to work to work on some things, and then by accident my laptop fell out of my deskchair and my wireless card fell out too. I put it back in to try and start normal but it was freezing. Finally took it out but did not start computer to "last good configuration" that's where I made the mistake! Now while trying to install the network card software... something won't install. It's horrible. While I could have been practicing my teaching lesson I was tinkering with the laptop and finally decided to throw in the towel. Damn that POS laptop of mine. So ma fan some time. It still goes online though I just have to go in the living room. Maybe I'll get more sleep this way. Oh well... back to work.