[Welcome to the real world...] I love this alone time when no one is home and the apartment is all mine. Rolling out of bed at 10AM when you just got home at 5AM, is a painful yet effective way of living life if you ask me. My internal clock automatically wakes me up around nineish to tenish. Nothing past that unless forced (and after mulling around in PJs for an hour or so). The overcast skys damper any plans of getting a browner tan then the one from yesterday. The first tan of the year... what a beautiful shade of light caramel it is =) Summer/Spring is my favorite time of the year. I always hope and pray that summer and spring will bring emotional serenity that no other season, and no other year has blessed me with. I have a good feeling about the next couple months. Although the signs say... it's not my year I guess I'll have to make the next couple of months mine. Whether it wants to be or not! I'm starting to deal with rejection a bit better. I think it's a bad sign that I'm getting used to it. I hope that with all the rejection I've dealt with this year, hopefully I can say yes to something (or something can say yes to me) Last year I rocked! Internship... job on the first try. Everything seemed to be going my way, then all of a sudden, road bump after road bump lately. It's a disheartning feeling to get used to rejection. I never really have confidance issues when it comes to professional type things, but now I'm starting to worry... just a small little pea sized worry lingering in the back of my head, maybe you're not as cool as you thought. Maybe. Welcome to the real world sucka... doesn't it feel like that? Last year... this time the most of my worries was getting invitations out to my family about my graduation party. Now, the big planning occurs... what to do next? Stay at a job or make the steps at establishing a career. My career should happen in the next two years. At least... that's what I'm telling myself. I'm tired of working already... I haven't even been in this game for a year and it's already taking it's toll on me. I'm discouraged and... a word I hardly use... afraid. I'm afraid that everything everyone ever thought of me was a lie. I'm afraid I'm a fraud... I'm afraid that I didn't really amount up to what people expected. These last couple road bumps have made me feel this way. Splashing around in a pool makes you wonder how life could be. I could just lose a gajillion pounds, pimp myself to a successful business man and be his desperate housewife. A couple flying fist later I realize that everything I set out to achive can be obtained some way or another... eventually. I just have to be patient. Being aged 23 proof ain't really anything yet. Splash! Splash! Splash! Envious about how the other half lives... I take advantage of the kidness of my friends sister and splash some more in a not more then 5ft deep pool. Amazed at the fact that people live their lives like this everyday... carefree turning into a prune while in a nicely kept pool, in a comdomenium compound wondering what they'll cook for dinner or which family they will be entertaining next. I love the first tan of the year. Someone please save me... I haven't said that in a while have I? I think it's just a mini message to myself.