// contemplative zone out moment //

Here I am sitting on a juvenile sized chair contemplating my future. Here I am watching South Park talking about Puerto Rican killers and OJ Simpson. Here I am, having faith in my horoscope, thinking about playing hooky from work. Here I am, 2005 almost ending. My life is about to change. It�s not about being overly dramatic, or overly confidant. There is a slight chance that I may not get the opportunity again to apply for graduate school. My doubt comes over me that I may not get in, but at the same time I hope and pray that the gods will be good and I won�t have to stay in my current state again. The idea of the R word floods through, but this isn�t the Bruin land, this is Azusa� the place near the 210 and the 605 and where the campus parking is free and the applications are difficult yet easy to complete. Dear Dean of Students, Please let me in because if I have to slang longer then I need to I will barf on the next upside down V sweatshirt I see ever again in my life� thank you. While I consider the possibilities of my future, I look at my romantic pass. I feel like I�m ready now� ready to get rid of one. I did it this year� I think I can do it again next year. Let�s number everyone. Read this here. Let�s start off by saying this. If you�ve read my journal� you know that I have keep it real issues. I have a problem when people aren�t honest with me. Even if the truth ain�t all that� and you can�t really handle it� at least you�re being honest. I don�t need to be hiding in the dark about the truth. Just let me know how things really are and I will be okay with it. #1 (exb0o) yes� he�s a dick. Yes he�s selfish and doesn�t care about me sometimes, but at least he�s honest� he keeps it real. And despite the fact that he�ll never ever be boyfriend material, in his own little way he shows he cares. I respect him for that� and I love him always just because he is who he is. I never expected anything from him� just the occasional fuzzy feeling. #2� is complicated� but still the honesty is there. So now� ready to start a new in my professional life, I�m ready to start again and get rid of one more.