// for you... //

I used to never think I could go more then a week without hearing his voice, but now it�s so easy. It�s weird when you come to this place. When I used to think that all those conversations all those talks about us would just be little ways of putting us on the back burner until I found the balls to say something to him about us and this feeling again, hoping he�d give me a straight answer instead of a sorta of yes, sort of no reply. Twice I might add. Nothing came out of it. I was left frustrated. I had a good friend by my side, but I was frustrated. But now� it�s all come down to changed emotions that aren�t the same as they used to be before. Stability used to automatically come from him. Laughter, sadness, success� jeers and cheers used to be told to him first� no questions asked but now� new forms of stability surprise me and are my strength and I�m making new calls to new people when I�m sad and scared. Time constrictions of course, are always hard, but I guess whenever we had our conversations, or whenever he was near me, a little bit of me always wished that we could have happened one day, but as more time passes (especially the last couple of months)� the more we grow into the people we are going to be for the rest of our lives, my future with him seems less and less romantic, and more and more what it was meant to be� I guess. I guess he got what he wanted in the first place. There was never any guarantee that we would be what we could be, and I knew that I probably was never someone he would eye in that way but his actions and my actions told different stories that carried me into places that I had never felt before� not since the one had I felt that way about anyone. And well� low and behold, that one came back, and although me and Mr. One will never be again� it�s just amazing how someone can quickly remind you of how love should be, and not what you hope it could be. I�m not writing this to call someone out�or start drama. Oh no, this is my diary and I�m just trying to express my feelings without being held back by his replies. I�m writing to say good-bye. I�m writing to say good-bye to the emotion between two people that never had the chance to bloom. Because somewhere in the element of the moment and our surroundings it just wasn�t meant to be. I should have thought this way from the very start. That sadness me, because after all these years when someone has a hold on your emotions for a certain amount of time, just to automatically be ready to see the last part of those emotions go� it�s like� you�re saying good-bye to that person (even though in my case I know it�s not good-bye and we�ll still be friends) It�s just weird how the heart heals and although he's probably reading this right now, thinking that I'm swearing his friendship off forever... I'm not. It just finally feels so refreshing to be over you.