[good chi]

While soaking my feet in knee high hot water for fifteen minutes�

I began to think about self improvement (promise this isn�t a diet rant) I started to wonder what does one do to continue to make themselves happy? I thought about how the year started and wondered how my POV and my perception on things just went kaput in the matter of months. New acquired information about someone I cared about so much before? Yes� that could have been it. Adjusting for the last few weeks to school and work? Yes� that could have been it. It could have been a lot of things, but I�ll never know the real reasoning behind my mini emotional break these past few days.

I started to think about me. In the crazy workaholic world we live in, it�s hard to take care of yourself. I think every graduate from college can agree with me, that taking care of yourself easily gets thrown out the window, especially when you have so much on your plate. When you juggle (which a lot of us end up doing) we end up, putting ourselves in these unmanageable positions where the right breaks don�t occur (a weekend off, a trip to the spa, a beach trip with a favorite book) and the wrong breaks happen when it�s crucial to concentrate (during 6th week of graduate school, finals, during a big project for work)

I came to the conclusion that I have never done anything for myself. I mean I�ll treat myself to new gifts or give myself the afternoon off but never have I done anything for myself to do better for me. Mind, body and soul. Again, I hate to sound so emo about the whole thing but it�s true. Your chi has to be balanced, and if isn�t it�s just hard to get back into sync. I for one do not want to be one of those people on tons of meds because they didn�t take care of themselves when they were younger� so I decided to take action now. Lose some weight, think about my emotions, slow life down a little bit because life doesn�t have to be as fast as I have been making it.

A lot of times, I think we martyr ourselves to be in this situation. We feel as though projects, people, work/school related anything will fall apart if our presence in these situations aren�t felt. I feel as though that�s been the wrong way to go about things. Although you may be a key player, eventually in the game you�re playing, another MVP can arise. I realized this today when talking to my soon to be ex supervisor. What you do in the present means well now, but remember someone before or after you might do the damn thing too. As defensive as that comment was to me� I thought that it was a good wake up call to myself. Especially as far as my time at the triad is concerned, I really don�t have to be there� because some exceptional ghetto fabulous shorty may come and sweep them off their feet the way I did (or have in the last few months) after that� all I will be is a statistic on the database of who was my position in the time between Aug 2004-June 2006. I won�t matter once I�m gone. And I�m okay with that

With that peace at mind in hand, more focus has gone to my well being. I�m not used to being this selfish. I want to do things for me, and try and be the best person I can be, mind, body and soul. I�ve neglected myself in the month of February, and perhaps my mini break was a wakeup call to remember what�s important. I welcome my not happening soon enough time off because then I can focus on myself, play my guitar, see my little sister dance ballet, visit friends without rushing because there�s work the next morning, travel the world, travel CA, visit long lost peeps that have overdue visits. Do a lot of things that I haven�t been able to do because my 9-5 times 2 was kicking my butt. It�s not that I can�t handle the real world, it�s because the job I choose was more then I could handle.

Summer� watch yourself� I�m comin� =)